1.9. Being the audience

If performance looks at us really, we run. If we look at it really, sometimes it runs.
In this fragile space, this potentiality, this offering through space and time, bodies reveal the histories of being watched. We watch one another all the time. And yet we run away from it, from being watched or watching too close. It seems like before we do not reconcile with the act of watching and being exposed and exposing by watching, we can not move forward. So please, lets reconcile. Lets find pleasure again in seeing life unfolding before our eyes. Lets find pleasure again in playing, in allowing to be seduced.
When a child plays or watches someone else play for him, they take it very serious. Taking it serious means surrendering their control completely. That is how you take things serious.
Not by parading your mechanism of control before your eyes, enjoying your own display of power over what invites your attention. No.
It is by being so serious that you surrender.
That is how you do not need to parade your alertness. But you simply are.
Sometimes we pretend we surrender. We play dead. Our mechanisms of control are endless. We die off, closing our eyes and in the deepest corners of our mind we wait. Enjoying in the anticipation of the moment when performance will come to close to a mistake..and bam!...we hit it dead.
Playing dead and only waking up to kill things is a truly messed up dynamic of a relationship. I think it will take some years to clean such space properly. Good luck.
Playing dead to be kissed back to life... Good luck for that one too.

How do we body-stare in each others bodies? And by keeping ourselves present and out of reach of control, how do we let this relationship to breath and grow and mature? After all I think both sides at the end are looking for some kind of connection really. 

Needless to say, looking is not enough. 
"Be generous." A sentence from today for tomorrow.

(Anja Bornšek.)